Saturday, May 28, 2011

Like A Bad Episode Of "Mad Men."

So, that new little widgety thing at the top of the page there, where it says "I Majored In Creative Writing, Why?" and has a donation tab? That's not spam, or an extremely fitting ad. That's what happens when your parents are supportive of your dreams and don't stop you from graduating with a B.S in Writing and no job. So, if you, dear readers, happen to be a little more flush than I am, and enjoy reading what I put up here, throw a couple of dollars at me, and help keep me off the streets and instead, pounding them and the parties and lives of the influential, funny people and writing interesting, informative, and sarcastic little witty things for you to read and be entertained by. Thank you, very, very much, in advance. (My adorable little cat who relies on me for food, shelter, and litter thanks you too, as he has grown very used to being kept in the manner of someone whose housing used to be paid for by college scholarships and is no longer.)

In other news, I am at the S.O's condo all evening, trying to polish off this extremely arduous next Vermont Commons magazine column (which resulted earlier in me cleaning said condo during a bout of writer's block), and roasting a whole chicken, potatoes, and carrots so that the S.O will have dinner when he gets home from work. With a nice bottle of Italian white wine, perfectly aerated. (Italy was possibly the best finishing school I could have ever been sent to. Cooking lessons, everything there is to know about good Italian wines and liquor, and how to extricate myself from a very vehement European would-be Don Juan while hurting no one's feelings. Now, THAT'S an education for you; you can hold my B.S!)

Like I said, between that, and listening to him and his friends talk business in posh bars while getting quietly drunk in the corner of the table, what is this, the freaking '50s again?

But no, babe, I love it, really! (Now would be a good time to let y'all know he reads SATCG, so, if you want to know if he has any cute, similarly considerate and funny, single friends [which he does], now would be a good time to send a shout-out in the comments section! Or just for doing a great job all around at keeping me occupied and happy.)



  1. Know any cute guys in CO? I swear there's not any attractive, tall, nice guys out here anymore. ;)

  2. My dear Anonymous--

    Given the fact that you have so much to say to me, about me, and do it with such a stunning vocabulary, I'd put money down on a bet that you're also another writer.

    However, BECAUSE of the fact that you were able to spend so much time composing the perfect, biting, strychnine-laden comment for me (what was that, a full page of text?), I also would put money on the bet that you're currently not working. Or making money with your writing. Or really further contributing to society other than going about, leaving comments like the one above that make people question their abilities and in the end, do nothing more than strengthen their resolve, as well as their reader's support. (I personally know two of my readers who leave comments, by the way-- that's 2 out of 74 followers. I don't know if you're as good with math as you are with passive-aggressive, anonymous comments, but you try figuring that one out if you're so worried about my writing's "support network".) So, in the end, maybe I should thank you for taking the time and effort that obviously went into writing that little diatribe; now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to writing one of my syndicated columns. About sex and relationships. Much like this blog is.

    And...are you single? Is this what this is all about? Cheer up, darling. I'm sure an attitude adjustment would really create an up-turn in your dating life.


  3. Hey Anonymous,

    Stop spoiling the fun for me and the rest of the readers, will you? It's awfully pretentious of you to waltz in here and lay your proclamation of unoriginality upon Carissa and denounce her work when you can't even tell us who you are, or what makes you such a fit critic of creative work. Are you Chelsea Handler or one of the writers for Sex in the City? If so, maybe I could understand where you're coming from. But it seems to me like you're just a bitter person out to attack someone whose actually trying to make things work for herself.

    So please do me and the rest of the readers a favour and fuck off so Carissa can write stuff for us.


  4. Well said Erin.


  5. Dear Anonymous Asshole--

    You no longer have any say here. This is my blog, and I won't have you trolling for responses or recognition from my readers. Go somewhere else for that.