Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Really? REALLY?

I normally feel like I need actual content in order to post, but I think this is honestly all the content I can handle today.

Doing my morning check of the blogs, I scrolled down SATCG to see if there were any new reactions (yes, I check those, too,) and almost died.

Why, you ask?

Well. I took a screen cap so that you, too, could experience that delightful, brief moment where your eyes send the information to your brain, it processes it, your heart stops for a second, and then you don't know whether to laugh or cry hysterically.

Men's sheer thongs are being advertised alongside my blog. I DO NOT CONDONE THIS. Not at all. Not one bit. Not even a little.

So, in the spirit of this morning, I am writing an addendum to my "Why You Should Never Say "Panties" And Why Victoria's Secret Is The Best Kept One" blog entry. It is entitled, "Why Did You Even Make Me Need To Go Here?"

"While I will admit that VPL's (visible panty lines; proven to make gay men cry and women cringe,) are something no one should ever be subjected to, sometimes, you just have to suck it up and not wear jeans so tight we can tell where your boxers bunch. Men, this goes for you. Because if there is one thing I know, and believe me, know well, it is this-- there is a place and a time for a thong, and it is not, is never, will never be, on a man. At least, on one I'm trying to get horizontal. Or vertical. Or on any plane between the two angles.

I don't know how to spell this out for you any better than that a banana-hammock is not an attractive thing. Let's face it; some people just shouldn't wear thongs. I don't see what the big deal is in the first place-- a 24-hour wedgie is not the best thing in the world. So, men, WHY would you subject yourself to that in the first place? There are no leggings being worn; no ass-hugging dresses. Or, maybe there are, and then that mystery is solved. In that case, mozel tov."

(The men's organic underwear is only slightly less upsetting, as well. Isn't it enough to eat organically and recycle? Does your ass really need to be green, too?)

That's it for the day. Going on a last-minute trip to Burlington with the Twinny!


1 comment:

  1. I just squirted hot chocolate out of my nose as a result of reading this. You win at life.